Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed