Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!