Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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