Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
