dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
