Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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