Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
