i don't plan on having that self control this summer
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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