True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
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