How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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