like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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