Sponge bath it is.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
