We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Randomize
