ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
