the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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