I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
how drunk are you?
Several
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
