The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
