I'm drive I can fine osifer
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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