p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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