Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize