hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize