Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
