What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Text me some of your sweat
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
