guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
