I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
