in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
