imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
