i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
