hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
