My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
