You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
