Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
