saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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