Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
