Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
mondays should just be called national damage control day
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
