I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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