ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i wish my penis had a tongue
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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