My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Randomize
