Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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