worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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