I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
