babies were throwing up all over the place
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
