he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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