He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
