Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
