My sheets look like a crime scene.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
