I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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