So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
