I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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