No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
