Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
