I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
