just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
