Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
