please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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