Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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