did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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