they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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