I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
