what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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