you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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