bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
