i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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