I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Just invented taco cereal.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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